I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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