i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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