dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
