I want to have your abortion
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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