But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
