i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
