i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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