fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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