U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
