I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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