I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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