I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
