Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
