Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm too high and old for this...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
