We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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