On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
