Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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