I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
