In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
