mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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