just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
