I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
