I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
