and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
