Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
