Your face is a jimmy john
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
