I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
