you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
