thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
