I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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