Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
