Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
