i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
