I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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