Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
