9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
