All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
