Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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