i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
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If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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