i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
