sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
