my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
