Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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