I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
