The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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