I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
