he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
