did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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