just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My cat gives me a boner
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
