I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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