also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
