I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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