Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
