So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
