god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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