Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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