Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
