Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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