need another drink. this is the easiest way
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
