that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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