I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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