I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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