Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
