There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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