Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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