Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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