we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
