Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
