my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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