yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
