shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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