What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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