On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
is it fun? or sober?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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