How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
