"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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