Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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